Blown over

Well, that's all rather disappointing but still... there's always next year!

Stormtroopers

So, let's be honest. Tropical storm Fay was somewhat of a disappointment. I know, I know, you don't all agree. Especially those whose houses were flooded / trees smashed down on cars / general humiliation of being pounded by a woman who sounds like your great aunt. But for me, I felt short changed of the full Florida hurricane experience. Even my non-Florida friends were disgusted commenting "I thought at least your power would be out by now." Still, it appears mother nature heard my noises of discontent and responded by sending over not one but another four hurricane-promising storms.

New Orleans got all the fun of Gustav, but we have Hanna, Ike and Josephine still on the cards. Don't get me wrong, however, I don't want to be flooded out. What we're looking for here is a truck load of rain and wind that allows me to return home to the UK with tales to tell, but nothing that involves me being without power and air conditioning for more than a night. (Hear that, up there?! No loss of internet. I do *not* want to be sent back to the stone ages). So hold onto your waterproofs, Floridians, the stormtroopers are coming!

Wet

Quite damp outside, I have to say.

Gyms? Okay then.

Gyms? Oh please, I have a life! I do sports! Going to a sweaty, claustrophobic room to pound away at a machine with the only purpose being to keep your body in acceptable shape, not to have fun or contribute to a team or socialise or... No. This is an activity for people who do not have friends.

Then I realised something odd. Many of my friends go to gyms. And if they are all anti-social, uninteresting misfits then ... well... it doesn't say much for the people who choose to hang out with them. Determine to get to the bottom of this issue, I persuade a friend to take me along to her gym as a guest. There, finally, I see the attraction. Large airy rooms, swimming pool, classes in every exercise imaginable, large bouncy exercise balls, weights and lifting equipment, the latest contraptions for running, stepping, cycling ..... and the personal cable tv screen attached to each machine. Oh yes, cancel with cox cable, I can now justify hours of Futurama, Sex in the City and Friends while I pound my abs into shape.

I get it. I signed up. And now my heart rate will match Carrie's as she sleeps her way through a series of disastrous relationships.

I see you looking at me

Ever wanted to know who is looking at your public I-support-internet-freedom-and-am-not-even-curious website? No, of course you don't. Either way, check out sitemeter.com. A handful of lines in your .html file later and you can plot all visitors on a world map, see how often they viewed your page, how long they spent and look down their webcam to add their picture to your front page for next time the sneaky little dolls look you up. Well, ok, the last option is still on the "under development" section but wait until they team up with facebook.
Currently, I've added this little number to one of my work sites and am now speculating who on earth I know in Kentucky. So just so you know... I've seen you... and you've seen me. I guess that makes us even, hmm.

The terrible hand of justice

In the US, it is largely considered that homicide is a *bad thing to do*. As such, if you were to decide that your fellow passenger's music was just too loud to bear and respond by sawing off his head, you would expect... repercussions [*]. A follow-up to such a deed would probably involve a highly extended gaol sentence or, in some states, a ticket off this mortal coil so that your victim can deal with you personally. Largely, similar principals apply in the UK where many individuals enjoys Her Majesty's pleasure at select institutes around the country. In many cases, the long-term punishments dished out in the UK seems to be of shorter duration. For instance, we don't have the death penalty (the ultimate in permanency) and the number of lifers in the UK is 37, where as in the US it's over 30,000 (nope, I did not mis-type that, 37 : 30,000; http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/7268647.stm). Sometimes, however, the punishment is so severe in the island kingdom that it makes you go cold to think of it... In this particular incident, an elderly gentleman bumped off his wife for refusing to let him go to the pub. Quite a reasonable response in many areas of Scotland. His punishment? House arrest during pub opening hours. Does it really get any more nasty?!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/7540994.stm


[*] This particular crime was actually in Canada, but I find this an incidental detail compared to the actual event: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/7535840.stm

Chad's phone in Spain

"Hey, Chad's phone. Chad doesn't have AT&T which means no bars here in Spain. So, I guess we won't be getting your call warning us about the local beaches. How some are more ... naked .... than others."

Claims the TV commercial for AT&T wireless; a popular mobile phone company in the US. Personally though, I can't help thinking that Chad's choice in phone provider is really the least of the issue, since the majority of US handsets seem not to be tri-band and therefore wouldn't work in Europe anyway. But then, we all know Chad really wanted to end up at a nudist beach and no one would want their phone company getting in the way of holiday fun now, would they?