Sunday, October 21, 2007

Rugby relativity

While not having a real interest in the fate of the England rugby team, I have sufficient curiosity (or boredom with my paper, take your pick) to flick my browser over to the BBC sports page latest action column. There, a heading proclaims: "World Cup final 2007" followed underneath by " LATEST ACTION (all times BST)". Which would be unsurprising except all times are given as minutes after the start of play...

Monday, October 15, 2007

The Pie-Athlon....

8 participants ... 9 bikes ... 16 weight measurement and a truck load of pies... It's the Pie-Athlon 2007 held this year in Gainesville, Florida! Rules are simple; participants weigh themselves at the Publix grocery store on Main Street, then cycle 10 miles stuffing as much PIE into their mouths as possible, before re-weighing themselves back at the store. The person to have defied the benefits of exercise greatest and gained the most weight is declared the PIE winner. Entrants this year were Cherry, 9-inch (the highly disputed 'undisputed winner' of the previous contest), Frenchsilk, Homeslice, Frazzleberry, Shoofly, Torte and Deep-dish. Matching tee-shirts were issued leaving Deep-dish with a surprisingly tight, cropped little number that led her wondering about Cherry's intentions during Gay Pride week. The contest was fraught with tension from the very beginning where a sharp bang signaled an early out by Cherry which saw her limping down the road with a burst tire. Foul play was naturally suspected, but a replacement bicycle saw a handicapped Cherry (no gear changes allowed on new propulsion vehicle; Cherry deemed not up to the challenge by bike owner) back in the running before the official weigh-in. Last minute pie buying ensued when anxiety about not having enough PIE hit home. Even the uncertain Torte was chucking those pies into her basket by the end. Pie eating commenced as the contestants headed down Main Street and on-lookers were treated to manovers such as the 'pie signal' by Deep-dish who flung out her blueberry pie along with her left hand in a turn single, the fluid pie-to-mouth motion from Frenchsilk as he balanced a large Apple pie midway between bike and mouth and the whipped cream fill-up from 9-inch as he sweetened his pie straight from the cannister. Frazzleberry, meanwhile, skipped the pie and just sweetened her mouth directly. Dirty tactics were also on the cards, as certain contestants (okay okay, Deep-dish) leaned in to swipe pie from a less worthy follower. Casualties followed swiftly as the contestants ventured deeper along their trail. First off was a pie-death via Homeslice's shaky pie-cycle-control. That cherry spilled its essence all over the road. May it rest in peace. An evil attack from Shoofly's mount left him bleeding on the leg and only a fortuitous pause to consume pizza saved him from going to same way as the cherry pie. Traffic problems saw Deep-dish stuck at lights while her red-jumping friends sailed past before the stream of traffic poured through. However, they shortly got way-layed by a street concert which sorted them out. A momentary discussion saw pizza reclassified as a type of PIE and it was slices all round as the contestants reached downtown. Realizing a bathroom stop could knock anyone of them out of the running, the last leg back up to Publix was taken at a swift (and cross-legged) pace to stand once again on the weighing scales. An impressive amount of PIE-pounds were gained all round, but the disputed 'undisputed winner' was, once again, victorious with over a 5 lbs PIE bonus.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

When in Rome....

.... visit a museum or 6. Interesting fact; the Romans rarely bothered thinking up their own sculpture designs and instead copied Greek statues. However, since they crafted marble rather than hollow bronze, the statues needed additional support by way of an reinforced base, tree limb or, in the case of Eros, the god of love, a huge.... well, let's just say if said object were attached in the usual position, trousers would have been out of the question.