Saturday, December 11, 2010

The North Pole: when Canada just isn't far north enough

For the second year in a row, the UK has more snow than Canada. This is what is known as "WRONG". The UK are supposed to get a maximum of half an inch of the white stuff somewhere near the beginning of February. The whole country then shuts down for 24 hours while the Government tries to ascertain whether cars / trains / shoes actually work in snow. By the time they have agreed that someone should be let out of their house to try it, the snow has melted and blissful ignorance is preserved. Canada, meanwhile, should be on skiis. Everyone. Even the geese. And the milk bags. I feel duped. Clearly, there is only one solution:

I must go further north.

Unfortunately, for reasons I don't understand, there is a decided lack of computer facilities for theoretical astrophysics north of Canada. Perhaps, like Hawaiians who would really like to pay for their health care [*] if only they knew it, polar bears think they don't need simulated galaxies.


Until they come to their senses, however, I must fall back on the only activity I do more than astronomy: blogging. Quark Expeditions are running a competition to find an official blogger for their North Pole cruise. Apart from the whole trip-of-a-life-time factor, it's a job I would love more than any other. Unfortunately, they only select based on writing style from the top 5 competition entrants. To reach that top 5 everyone needs to vote for you.

And I mean EVERYONE.

I confess, I think this is a long shot. By the looks of things, I need at least 1,000 votes to stand a chance of making that 5.

But it would be incredible.

So I'm asking you, ALL OF YOU, to nominate me. Annoyingly, you need to register on the website to vote, but the spam you receive from them is small. I joined over a year ago and was sent less than 1 email a month. Please don't let that put you off.

Once you have done that .... thank you. Now I need you to go out into the world .... and make babies. Then get them email accounts so they can vote for me too. That done, pat the little tykes on the head and head out to accost at least ten people and get their votes. Preferably schizophrenics with multiple email addresses. If you get arrested for such antisocial behaviour ... I'm sorry ... but remember to direct your prison guard to the website. You have until February.

If it's any consolation, should I win, there's probably a fair chance I will fall into the mouth of a polar bear. In which case you can feel smug knowing that your small prison cell undoubtedly has more room than a stomach. This trip would also improve the content of my blog posts; I understand your complaints about the uneventful plumbing in Hamilton.

So please vote for me :-) Here ... here .... here ..... or maybe here. And here.

Plus here.

[* USA version of the Daily Show clip here.]

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